if you ever find yourself wanting to tell someone you don’t believe them when they open up about having a mental disorder, stop.
slap your mind in the face.
don’t do it.
don’t make posts about what the illness is and isn’t is. don’t attack them. just fucking leave them alone.
you probably don’t know what it’s like for that person.
for example, a few years ago, when I was younger, I joined this art community and started drawing and posting things. i felt like my drawings were good, but then i’d look at other people’s drawings and think, “yeah, my art really isn’t that good. maybe I should just quit.” eventually i did quit, and i made a drawing stating the reason why.
then, just one comment really, really stung. badly. the person called me an attention seeker. maybe I was seeking attention at the time. to be honest, I just wanted someone to say something nice about my art for a change. there were little to no people ever liking or even viewing my art which made me feel sad, like I wasn’t good enough.
that one comment just sent me back down.
i posted about it here, and i probably mentioned having “depression”. i was 11 or 12 at the time.
i didn’t know what depression was, and just thought it meant being really sad. a lot of my friends left nice comments, but then other people just started posting about what depression is and isn’t. that’s perfectly fine, great even, everyone should be educated in mental illnesses. what wasn’t okay was calling people who thought they had it fakers and attention seekers. that time I posted it, I genuinely wasn’t seeking attention. i just needed a friend. and then just calling me an attention seeker, again, really hurt.
i may not have had depression when I posted that, but what if I actually did? i could have killed myself and it would have been because of them. or what if someone who actually had depression read that and assumed you were talking about them? what if they killed theirself?
now, I’m going to open up again.
i have anxiety. and yes, it’s self diagnosed. but just shut up if you’re going to tell me I’m faking. the reason why i haven’t been professionally diagnosed is because everyone keeps telling me that I don’t have it. but they don’t know what my everyday life is like. they don’t know about how I’ve been stressing and losing sleep, and constantly living in fear because I have to sing in front of my whole choir class in a month, or whatever else is stressing me out. they don’t know about how i blush every time I have to read my lines in romeo and juliet or everytime the teacher calls on me. they don’t know about how i get an upset stomach when i have to hang out with my friends. they don’t know about how i lose sleep because i’m constantly looking back on past memories of social interaction and beating myself up for being so awkward or saying something wrong or because i think i messed something up. they don’t know what it’s like. it’s so easy for them to assume I’m faking because they can’t see into my mind, and see how it’s my own enemy. The worst part is, they don’t know how much it hurts me for people to think i’m faking. i would never want anyone to go through this. i would never wish this upon myself or anyone else. it’s so horrible.
mental illnesses are like toxic friendships or relationships.
you know the person is bad and hurting you and you need to get out. but you just can’t. it’s like they have you in an eternal death grip. you just keep going back. they keep telling you that they’re your friend. but they’re not. they keep exploiting you and it’s horrible. you just feel so alone and horrible and like everything is your fault, you don’t deserve this, just die already.
and then other people.. they can be so horrible. but you constantly feel like you need to impress them. you have to do this and that. you can’t wear this, you have to wear that. you can’t do this, do that. you feel like you’re constantly expected to act a certain way and be a certain way for complete strangers.
i’m getting off track.
back to when i was little and didn’t know what depression was.
those posts may not have been targeted at me but it felt like they were. i wanted to kill myself. i almost did. but my brother stopped me.
and by saying things like that, you just add to the problem. you can’t just make a post and think the person’s mental illness will just go away like that. it’s not that easy.
that’s why you should never assume they’re faking.
go ahead and think they are. that’s your opinion. I’m not going to stop you.
Just don’t voice that opinion, don’t type it.
you never know what those words can do to people. stop assuming you do.
thanks for reading.
please don’t think I’m just bringing up my problems for attention. i’m not. i brought up my anxiety because i don’t want to hide it anymore and i want my readers to know the reason why I sometimes don’t reply to emails or comments, and when i do it usually takes a while, and don’t want them to think i’m ignoring them because I’m not.
oh, and I’m done with my break(probably) because testing is over.