please read and spread the word

TL;DR at end even though this isn’t that long tbh

god russia is so disgusting.

you probably thought concentration camps wouldn’t ever happen again after the Holocaust and WWII, right? well you are wrong.

some gross Russian assholes have literally set up a secret concentration camp in Chechnya, where they are sending gay people and torturing/beating them, sometimes even killing them.

so, if you aren’t a homophobic, disgusting person, please try to sign this petition and/or spread the link!

Link to petition

TL;DR: the homophobic Russian president of Chechnya has set up a secret concentration camp where they are sending gay people and people they suspect are gay, and torturing/beating them. there is a petition up here to stop them. please spread the word, sign the petition if you can, and share the link to help these innocent people.

YEEt

I MIGHT GET TO SEE A SCREENING OF COCO OH MY GOSHHH

idk for sure what movie is being screened tho

it might be lightning McQueen get fucking merked for all I know

but

I HOPE ITS COCO

I AM LITERALLY SO EXCITED FOR COCO YOU DONT EVEN KNOW

IT’S MY FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE ALREADY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT OUT YET

here’s the thing

if you ever find yourself wanting to tell someone you don’t believe them when they open up about having a mental disorder, stop.

slap your mind in the face.

don’t do it.

don’t make posts about what the illness is and isn’t is. don’t attack them. just fucking leave them alone.

you probably don’t know what it’s like for that person.

for example, a few years ago, when I was younger, I joined this art community and started drawing and posting things. i felt like my drawings were good, but then i’d look at other people’s drawings and think, “yeah, my art really isn’t that good. maybe I should just quit.” eventually i did quit, and i made a drawing stating the reason why.

then, just one comment really, really stung. badly. the person called me an attention seeker. maybe I was seeking attention at the time. to be honest, I just wanted someone to say something nice about my art for a change. there were little to no people ever liking or even viewing my art which made me feel sad, like I wasn’t good enough.

that one comment just sent me back down.

i posted about it here, and i probably mentioned having “depression”. i was 11 or 12 at the time.

i didn’t know what depression was, and just thought it meant being really sad. a lot of my friends left nice comments, but then other people just started posting about what depression is and isn’t. that’s perfectly fine, great even, everyone should be educated in mental illnesses. what wasn’t okay was calling people who thought they had it fakers and attention seekers. that time I posted it, I genuinely wasn’t seeking attention. i just needed a friend. and then just calling me an attention seeker, again, really hurt.

i may not have had depression when I posted that, but what if I actually did? i could have killed myself and it would have been because of them. or what if someone who actually had depression read that and assumed you were talking about them? what if they killed theirself?

now, I’m going to open up again.

i have anxiety. and yes, it’s self diagnosed. but just shut up if you’re going to tell me I’m faking. the reason why i haven’t been professionally diagnosed is because everyone keeps telling me that I don’t have it. but they don’t know what my everyday life is like. they don’t know about how I’ve been stressing and losing sleep, and constantly living in fear because I have to sing in front of my whole choir class in a month, or whatever else is stressing me out. they don’t know about how i blush every time I have to read my lines in romeo and juliet or everytime the teacher calls on me. they don’t know about how i get an upset stomach when i have to hang out with my friends. they don’t know about how i lose sleep because i’m constantly looking back on past memories of social interaction and beating myself up for being so awkward or saying something wrong or because i think i messed something up. they don’t know what it’s like. it’s so easy for them to assume I’m faking because they can’t see into my mind, and see how it’s my own enemy.  The worst part is, they don’t know how much it hurts me for people to think i’m faking. i would never want anyone to go through this. i would never wish this upon myself or anyone else. it’s so horrible.

mental illnesses are like toxic friendships or relationships.

you know the person is bad and hurting you and you need to get out. but you just can’t. it’s like they have you in an eternal death grip. you just keep going back. they keep telling you that they’re your friend. but they’re not. they keep exploiting you and it’s horrible. you just feel so alone and horrible and like everything is your fault, you don’t deserve this, just die already.

and then other people.. they can be so horrible. but you constantly feel like you need to impress them. you have to do this and that. you can’t wear this, you have to wear that. you can’t do this, do that. you feel like you’re constantly expected to act a certain way and be a certain way for complete strangers.

i’m getting off track.

back to when i was little and didn’t know what depression was.

those posts may not have been targeted at me but it felt like they were. i wanted to kill myself. i almost did. but my brother stopped me.

and by saying things like that, you just add to the problem. you can’t just make a post and think the person’s mental illness will just go away like that. it’s not that easy.

that’s why you should never assume they’re faking.

go ahead and think they are. that’s your opinion. I’m not going to stop you.

Just don’t voice that opinion, don’t type it.

you never know what those words can do to people. stop assuming you do.

thanks for reading.

please don’t think I’m just bringing up my problems for attention. i’m not. i brought up my anxiety because i don’t want to hide it anymore and i want my readers to know the reason why I sometimes don’t reply to emails or comments, and when i do it usually takes a while, and don’t want them to think i’m ignoring them because I’m not.

oh, and I’m done with my break(probably) because testing is over.

-haru

 

stuf

yeet okay so, it’s not OFFICIALLY april yet here for almost another hour and a half,, so my break isn’t in effect yet ((;

anyways if you all wanted to know abt my nano adventures and novel, i have some links for you!!

oh and for nano i’m writing the little story I was talking abt before which is modern rhapsode!! yea

anyway, i have a tumblr where i’ll post daily about my suffering and adventures, along with the amount of words I wrote that day. that blog can be found here.

and i have a wordpress blog where you can read excerpts, character descriptions and other shit about them, ideas, whatever shit i want to dump about the story. that can be found here. (the blog itself looks ugly because im using mobile and it’s hella painful to do anything on mobile WordPress)

 

so yea!! if you guys want to find out how im doing with this or anything you now know where to look! or if you just want to talk to me my main tumblr is here and twitter is here !!

bye for now everyone !!

-haru

taking a break

this week and next week is standardized testing which is !!! Fucking dumb!!! and my teachers have decided “hey, even though the students have to test this week and we keep telling them to do well on these tests, let’s give them a shit ton of work !! in addition to studying for these tests !!! cool right !!” i want to die

also, camp nano is starting soon so i’m going to take a break from blogging, probably only for this week and the next (idk I might extend my break to the end of april because of nano) !! mainly because everything in my life is fucking stressful, (there is literally a MOUSE IN MY HOUSE I’M NOT KIDDING) and i really don’t want, or have the time to  come up with stuff to blog about. if you want to talk to me I’ll probably be active on tumblr and twitter, if you don’t already know what they are just ask me

bye

-haru